Imam Hussain’s Legacy: Lessons in Mindful Parenting from the Heart of Karbala

I often wonder around this time of the year, as events of Karbala are told and retold, prevailing upon us to pause and take stock of our lives, about the huge debt of gratitude we owe to the Prophet (pbuh) and his Ahlulbayt (as).

Throughout the year, the example of our beloved Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) and previous prophets inspire and energise us through the holy Quran. We gain strength from their strength and patience through theirs.

And in this season of sacrifice we pause again. The mighty personalities we encounter from the ultimate selflessness of Abbas (as) to the conviction of the unshakeable Qasim (as) are truly lessons for us in how to be in this world, where actions align with beliefs. We derive strength from knowing Allah (swt) sees us and knows our pain but we choose truthfulness over falsehood, submission over suffering.

The story of Karbala is studded with inspiring models of the family dynamic we all aspire to have, where families place Allah (swt) in His rightful place – at the centre of all their interactions. Brothers and sisters wholeheartedly give and mothers and fathers are pillars of strengths and compassion for their little ones.

To let the season of Karbala conclude without deriving some renewed energy and stimulus for change is surely an opportunity missed, especially as busy parents who can easily get swept in the chaos of life, energy being depleted with every breath and step, mindlessly ticking off tasks, shouting instructions and dredging through life a day at a time.

But the primary source of inspiration has got to be Imam Hussain Ibn Ali himself, a towering figure of resilience, sacrifice, and piety. His life, particularly his interactions with his family members during the events leading to and in Karbala, offers invaluable insights into the essence of mindful parenting.

Through his compassionate exchanges with his daughters, Fatima and Sakina, Imam Hussain modelled an empathetic, gentle, and patient approach to parenting that serves as a guiding light for us all today.

As Imam Hussain prepared for the journey to Karbala, he had to confront the daunting task of leaving his sick daughter, Fatima, behind. His approach to this difficult moment was emblematic of his exceptional emotional availability and empathetic presence. His father Imam Ali (as) is known for the saying ‘You think you are a small entity, but within you is enfolded the entire universe’. Imam Hussain certainly acknowledges this dignity given to mankind through his interactions with his young children.

Imam Hussain did not dismiss Fatima’s worries and fears. Instead, he took the time to validate her feelings, comfort her, and instil hope, illustrating the importance of parents being emotionally available and supportive, even when they are physically distant or preoccupied.

In our fast-paced world, parents may often be busy or distracted, but Imam Hussain’s interaction with Fatima encourages us to be present in our children’s emotional landscapes. Validate their feelings, reassure them, and inspire optimism, even when, indeed especially when, circumstances are difficult.

In the throes of the adversity at Karbala, Imam Hussain’s heart remained firmly anchored in compassion, especially when dealing with his young daughter, Sakina. As Sakina expressed her fears about her father’s impending martyrdom, Imam Hussain showcased his trademark patience, humility, and gentleness.

Even in the face of looming tragedy, Imam Hussain prioritised Sakina’s emotional well-being, attentively listening to her worries and consoling her. His interactions with Sakina underscore the profound parental love and commitment that remained unwavering throughout the tragedy.

Practical Tips for Parents:

Parental attachment theory, a key concept in psychology, posits that a strong emotional and physical connection to at least one primary caregiver in the early stages of a child’s life, plays a significant role in their future wellbeing.
Parental attachment theory is based on the principle of providing a ‘secure base’ for children, bolstering their emotional resilience and forming a protective factor later in life. Our attentiveness, patience, and humility as parents in the face of our children’s fears and worries, even amid our own struggles, fosters a secure attachment that undoubtedly serves as an emotional refuge for them both in the present and in later life.

In our fast-paced lives, Imam Hussain’s example encourages us to press ‘pause’ and engage attentively with our children’s emotional needs. This can be particularly relevant during every day routines. Difficulties will come and go and are one of the certainties of life. Research however has shown that it is not the adversity itself that impacts wellbeing and shapes our children but experiencing this adversity without support.

1. After school:

When children return from school, they may be grappling with a range of emotions. Friendship challenges, unexpressed needs and academic/sporting pressure can become overwhelming causing an outpouring of emotions immediately after school which parents may toil with. Practise patience at this time and engage them in conversation, mirroring Imam Hussain’s emotional availability. Address their concerns, no matter how small they may seem, and reassure them.

2. Before bed:

This can be an excellent time to foster a deeper emotional connection. This period could be used to talk about the day’s experiences, your child’s dreams, fears, or even stories from the life of Imam Hussain to inspire and comfort them.

3. Addressing Anxiety:

Sometimes children may appear anxious about matters that seem trivial to us. However, Imam Hussain teaches us the significance of validating their feelings. To them it is all big! Guide them gently through their anxieties, providing reassurance and practical strategies to manage their fears.

4. Take a minute:

As parents we have our own problems and daily battles. We may be overwhelmed with fears and worries ourselves. This naturally informs our energy in the home, our interactions with our children and our general behaviour.

Ensuring we pause and reflect on our feelings and take practical steps to have our own needs met through the support of others or self-care means we are more likely to interact more mindfully with our children and be present as a support structure for them.

Imam Hussain’s example reminds us to approach our children’s concerns with patience and humility. Even when dealing with our own difficulties, we should strive to lend a patient ear to our children’s worries, responding with reassurance and gentleness.

As we look to Imam Hussain as a role model of strength and patience during Muharram and Safar, we find the inspiration to nurture our families with a similar spirit of gentle strength and understanding.