Parenting after age 5 brings new challenges as children become influenced by external factors like school and media. This article explores how to balance guidance with letting children develop their individuality, all while maintaining strong Islamic values.
Parenting is a journey of constant change. The early years feel like a time when everything revolves around nurturing, teaching, and simply admiring our children’s development. However, as they approach the age of 5, things start to shift. Children become more independent, and external influences—like friends, school, and media—start to shape their personality. For many parents, this period can feel like a turning point, one that brings new challenges and uncertainties.
The Early Years: Laying the Foundations
The first few years of a child’s life are dedicated to planting seeds. Parents work tirelessly to shape their children’s behaviour, instilling Islamic values, and nurturing a loving, supportive environment. This time is crucial because it sets the stage for a child’s moral and spiritual growth. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, “Whoever has a child should be like a child with him” (Wasa’il Al-Shia), highlighting the importance of engagement, love, and guidance during these early stages.
We, as parents, pour our efforts into teaching them about right and wrong, demonstrating good manners, and fostering a strong Islamic identity. However, as children grow, their world expands beyond the home, and with that, their behaviour begins to change in ways we might not have anticipated.
The Impact of External Influences
By the time children reach 5, they are exposed to a variety of external influences that can impact their behaviour. They interact more with their peers, encounter different values at school, and consume media that may not always align with the teachings they receive at home. These influences can challenge the foundations we’ve worked so hard to build.
At this age, children may start to exhibit behaviours that surprise us—talking back, challenging authority, or even having emotional or violent outbursts. As a parent, this can feel disorienting. Where once we were admiring their cuteness, we now find ourselves in the position of having to discipline and correct negative behaviours. The days of simply watching them grow suddenly give way to new responsibilities of curtailing bad habits and reinforcing positive ones.
Balancing Guidance and Independence
One of the biggest challenges for parents at this stage is the need to balance their role as guides while allowing their children to develop their own individuality. Our instinct as parents is often to control every aspect of their lives, but as they grow, we must learn to accept that our children are individuals with their own personalities and paths to follow.
Islam provides guidance in navigating this delicate balance. Imam Jafar Al-Sadiq (AS) reminds us that “No parent has given a better gift to his child than good manners”. This suggests that while children will develop their own identities, the most impactful gift we can give them is a solid moral framework. By maintaining our role as guides and role models, we can influence the way they navigate the world, even as they become more independent.
Children Are Watching: The Importance of Role Modelling
After the age of 5, children begin to see the world with more clarity. They also start noticing the inconsistencies in our actions as parents. This is why it is crucial to remain consistent in our Islamic practices and values. Children are highly observant, and if they see us neglecting prayers, failing to manage our temper, or engaging in arguments with our spouses, they learn that such behaviour is acceptable.
This stage of parenting can be exhausting because it requires us to embody the values we wish to instill in our children. As the Islamic approach to pious parenting teaches us, our actions are the first form of education for our children. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasized this when he said, “Acquaint your children with religious teachings before the disbelievers get to them”. This highlights the urgency of living our faith, ensuring that our children learn from our example before outside influences take hold.
The Reality of Parenting Challenges
It’s important to acknowledge that parenting during these years can feel overwhelming. We are human, after all, and balancing discipline, emotional support, and role modelling can take a toll. As children become more independent, our ability to control every aspect of their lives diminishes, and that can be difficult to accept.
But as Muslim parents, we know that we do not carry this burden alone. Allah (SWT) is the ultimate guide, and it is through Him that we seek strength and wisdom. Turning to Allah in dua, asking for our children to be guided on the straight path, is not a last resort, but a powerful tool in parenting. The Quran reminds us, “And say: ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them [my parents] as they brought me up [when I was] small’” (Quran 17:24). This verse not only speaks to the importance of honouring parents but also emphasizes the merciful guidance that only Allah can provide.
Trusting the Process: Dua and Patience
As parents, it’s natural to feel anxious about our children’s choices, especially when they start to exhibit behaviours that are unfamiliar or challenging. However, we must remind ourselves that our role is to provide guidance, love, and a strong foundation rooted in Islamic values. The rest is in Allah’s hands.
In moments of frustration or doubt, it’s important to turn to dua and place our trust in Allah. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ often reminded his followers of the power of prayer, and one dua that can be especially comforting for parents is, “My Lord, grant me from Yourself a pure offspring; indeed, You are the Hearer of supplication” (Quran 3:38). This supplication reminds us that while we do our best, ultimately, our children’s path is guided by Allah.
Continuing the Journey with Patience
Parenting after age 5 can feel like uncharted territory, but it is also a time of immense growth for both children and parents. By maintaining consistency in our Islamic practices, showing love and compassion, and trusting in Allah’s guidance, we can navigate these challenges with greater ease. As our children grow, so too does our understanding of what it means to parent with patience, wisdom, and faith.
By staying grounded in our values, we can continue to be the positive role models our children need, even as they begin to find their own way in the world.
